My second baby just turned 2…what I wish I knew a year ago

Anytime you bring another kid into the mix, there are lots of questions and worries that cross your mind so when we made the transition to two kids, my mind was swirling. So, let's walk through some of my main concerns when we welcomed my second and how it all played out.

I will preface by saying, I know these things will change over time and I don't know what it will look like when they're 7 and 9 or 13 and 15, but I can give you a sneak peek of what it might look like for you when they're 2 and 4 years old.

Playing together

My main thought when welcoming my second was “when will they play together?!!”

THAT was the real question that I wanted answered… since the day she was born. I knew it would unlock the next level of parenthood when my girls could start to entertain one another.

For us it was at about 18 months, but definitely now that the youngest is 2 years old, they are in full blown play mode. Now, hear me out, every child is different, every sibling relationship is different, every family is different. Your kids might not enjoy playing with each other but for us this is what it was. And it is the greatest thing ever. They'll go out in the backyard together, do a craft together, etc. and it's so cute and frees me up at times to cook, throw in a load of laundry, etc. Plus, I love watching them play together.

I have one quick story that I think is really sweet and paints the picture of them right now. Our fridge beeps when it has been open too long and my girls know that this means it needs to be shut. The 2 year old was in the bathroom with me and when I heard the fridge beep, I asked her to go shut it and got a defiant “no”. So, I called over to the 4 year old and asked her to shut it. Then, of course, when she said yes, the 2 year old suddenly wanted to shut it. By the time she got to the fridge, the 4 year old had already shut it. But, she reopened the fridge and said “hey Es, the fridge is open, can you help me shut it?” and gave the two year old the chance to do it too.

It's moments like this of them playing and interacting together that are SO sweet and fun. A year ago, I would have told myself that I needed to give it one more year and then things will smooth out and they'll start playing together.

Resistance

Okay, while them starting to interact together in a different way and get along so well is the BEST, we're also at the age where the resistance kicks in.

I now have TWO kids that have opinions! One wants the windows up, the other down. Neither of them are ever ready to leave the house, and doing so is a full blown event.

We need to put socks and shoes on so we can leave? Resistance. Alright guys, we need to put on jackets? Resistance. Anytime I ask them to do something, I'm met with “no, I don't want to”. (I have a whole post on dealing with tantrums)

I normally don't even fight that battle anymore. I'll just grab their shoes and jackets and we'll leave the house without them and put them on in the car. They're fine with doing it when we're already gone, but while we're home when I ask, they don't want to.

This piece of the puzzle is getting harder, but I knew that when my second started to talk and have opinions, it would get harder. But, watching her personality come out this past year has been an absolute blast.

Every kid is different (it's wild!)

Like I said, I've loved watching my second's personality emerge and she is very different from my first. It always baffles me but also is so fun that they can be so different from each other.

When it comes to nurture vs nature, I definitely see both elements, but nature is for sure a thing. My second has been different from my first from the very start. She's been more of the observant one and she her facial expression can stay completely stone cold, while my first is a doer and a lot more expressive, and always has been.

Independence

The extreme independence is also coming in hot. And personally, I don't mind it.

Want to get in the carseat yourself? Do it. (But please, get in the freaking seat, don't climb into the trunk). Want to pick out your own pants? Fantastic! (But, just pick a pair already).

My first really doesn't have any interest in helping cook or pick up, but my second likes things tidy and will literally follow behind me and close cabinets I left open. I'm all for it! With my third, my second is going to be the mother hen. She is going to want to do everything for the baby.

There are two sides to this coin – sometimes the fierce independence can delay processes and be frustrating, but for the most part it's great – it teaches your kids to do things and can take some of the load off of you.

Less judgement

The biggest thing I have learned since having two kids is to just have less judgement for everyone else because it's like “oh, my first was walking at this age, or potty trained at this age” and then you have your second and you're doing everything the exact same and they're just like “no, I'm not doing that”.

Before, I could look at friends and be like oh your kid was potty trained way before mine or way after mine, what are you doing right or wrong? And I realize now that a lot of times, that's just not the case, it's dependent on the kid's personality.

It's definitely humbling but also a good realization to remember to just be supportive of each other. Plus, even just for yourself, if you think you knocked it out of the park with something the first time, or think you did something severely wrong, you have your second and you're like nope, it has so much to do with the kid's personality.

What I would tell myself a year ago when my second baby was a year old (and my first was 3), it would be that it gets more and more fun the more your kids develop their personalities, they start to play with their siblings which is amazing, and there are different challenges with each stage (in this one, it's the development of opinions/preferences, their ability to voice those things, and their increased independence which can make things hard).

Just keep going

I think I just wanted to put this info out there to say that if you're struggling, just keep going. You got this! There are amazing things and hard things that change with each season.

I'm re-entering the newborn phase which is always the toughest for me so maybe it's a bit of a pep talk for myself too. I imagine what things might be like in another two years when my kids will be 2, 4, and 6 years old. And I'm sure it'll be cool, exciting, and bizarre in its own ways.

No matter what, keep going, Ma! We got this, we're doing great, and each stage is unique and special.