Tips For Staying Sane as a Stay At Home Mom

Since having our first daughter, I have been a stay at home mom, working from home (for myself), with a husband who does shift work. I have a four year old, two and a half year old, and am currently pregnant with our 3rd and wanted to share the tips that have kept me sane for the last four years.

I want to start by acknowledging that you will not be or feel sane all of the time, no matter how much work you do, how much you love your children or your life…you're going to have hard days, weeks, seasons, etc. These tips are not magic cures for that. The difficulty just comes with the territory, but I hope some of these help with staying sane and having the best experience you can as a stay at home mom. As challenging as it can be, I am SO grateful I get to stay home babies.

So, I hope these tips help shift your perspective and deal with some of the challenges of being a stay at home mom. Let's get into it…

1. Be grateful

When I first started staying home, I had such a hard time, finding time to work and envying my husband who got time and space to do his work without juggling 100 things at home. My husband asked me what my priority in life was and my response was that my babies feel loved, prioritized, and safe. And that changed everything. He helped remind me that I might make less money in this season of life, but my priority is my children and that is important to me. This made me have so much more gratitude for getting to stay home and have a flexible work schedule.

2. What kind of mom do I want to be?

Before my perspective shifted, I was in a bit of a negative mindset. I really had to sit down and think about what kind of mom I wanted to be. Do I want to be the fun mom? The calm mom? The activities mom? Or the craft mom?

You can be a lot of these things. I wanted to be present, calm, and prepared (with meals, activities, etc. planned). I'm not 100% there with all of the planning things but I've definitely made progress and continue to work towards it.

3. What do you have to do to become that mom?

Now that you know what kind of mom you want to be, what do you need to do to get there? If my kids are having tantrums and I want to be a calm mom, I need to be mindful and focus on remaining calm. If I want to be the planner mom, I need to plan activities in advanced, have meals planned, etc. Since I want to be a present mom, I need to put my phone away and get rid of other distractions when I can.

I would highly encourage journaling to find out what kind of mom you want to be and how to get there. It's the easiest way to slow down, process your thoughts, and get them down on paper.

4. The book every parent needs to read (or listen to)

There was a book that helped me a TON (Hunt, Gather, Parent). The author goes around the world to learn about how different people parent around the world – how they put their kids to sleep, how they discipline, etc. What she found is that there's no right way to parent. Everywhere she went, people did things a little differently. That took a lot of stress off of having to make sure I'm doing all the “right” things.

Another super interesting thing from the book is that in most places, parents do what they need to do. They didn't focus on constantly trying to be their kids source of entertainment. They were unloading the dishwasher, cooking dinner, gardening in the backyard, and all of the other things they needed to get done AND they were including their kids in these activities. When their kid was helping make tortillas and made a terrible one, it went in the pile with the rest. No big deal.

When I stopped thinking “how on earth can I find the time to shower, make a grocery list, make dinner” and started just doing them with (or near) my kids, it was a game changer. My oldest will now help unload the dishwasher. Does it take longer? Yep. Can I fit it in easier and feel less stress about it? Yep.

5. Planning… HARD but HUGE in motherhood

I genuinely love doing fun activities with my kids. Doing crafts, going to the farmers market, finding local events…I love it all! But, it does take a bit of planning to pull it off.

I don't do this all of the time (like I wish I did), but some weeks, I will sit down and write down all of the things I'd like to do that week (go to the farmers market, walk around the lake and get ice cream, find a new park). Then, each morning I'll look at the list and decide which activity I want to do that way. Those weeks are the most fun!

And you can totally repeat the list each week (or at least some of the items on the list). It doesn't have to be something totally brand new every week, but just a bit of planning can be super helpful in getting out of the house and doing something you'll all enjoy. They also don't all have to be out of the house either. Painting, water balloons in the backyard…it's all great! You just have to plan ahead to make sure you have all the supplies you need (or be willing to run to Target).

6. Our vision was a GREAT backyard

It was super important for us to have a great outdoor space. And we have a pretty big yard for living in the city. So, we added a sandbox, garden, hot tub, swing set, fire pit, trampoline, climbing dome, and more.

We wanted our backyard to be a place we could host people, where our children could run feral, and we could all just really enjoy ourselves. I feel like we have accomplished just that!

I feel SO good in the mornings when we've been awake for 5 minutes and the girls are like “we want to go outside and play”. We also added a sliding glass door so I can open it, the girls run out, and I can make breakfast while watching them. Plus, I can yell “oh that's really cool” or “don't hit your sister” when needed. It literally changes the whole day for me when we start the day outside.

If we get outside in the morning/early afternoons, I don't even mind if there is more screen time later in the day because we had such a good start to the day. It really does help my sanity as a stay at home mom.

7. Figure out what you want your days to look like

What are things that will make your days feel like success?

Aside for getting outside (whether in our backyard or away from the house), getting to connect with friends and my family also make a day look and feel successful for me.

My husband does shift work. On the days he is home in the evening, we connect over dinner, watch shows/movies together, etc. On the days he isn't home for dinner, I'll call up friends and family members and ask them to meet up for a few hours. Or, do dinner. And we do CHILL dinners. Sometimes it's picking something up, often times it's “I have leftover tater tot hotdish and you have leftover pulled pork? Great! Let's combine and have that”. The dinners with friends is so clutch and truly one of my favorites. It fills my cup, fills my kids' cups, fills everyones' bellies, and fills an afternoon.

Especially when you're a stay at home mom, or dealing with shift work, making these efforts to connect becomes especially important so I find ways to incorporate this regularly.

AND, it's important to acknowledge your circumstances when figuring out what you want your days to look like. I used to be really resentful of people showing dad making pancakes on a Sunday morning because with shift work, it normally can't be our reality. But, we can go to the zoo in the middle of the week when it's dead and that's still a way for me to connect with my family so I am grateful for that.

8. Screen time with ZERO guilt

As much as I love planning ahead and having a busy schedule full of fun things to do, I also have “zero guilt zero days”, meaning I have nothing planned and if we watch a lot of shows, that's okay because the past 3 days we have done something that's been super coordinated. AND, my priorities are being present, being calm, and planning so maybe I planned that tonight we're going to do a movie night. Or, maybe it's time to be calm/present.

Here is what I have found when it comes to screen time — I don't want my kids to be on screens all the time. I want them to be physically active with their bodies the majority of the time. So, if in the morning, we went to the park, were in the backyard running around, did crafts, etc., I feel fine about the screen time later in the day.

I don't like it when I'm on my screen when we are watching a show. I want to be present. So, I put my phone in my Aro Box (which is amazing and tracks your time away from your phone) so that I can watch the show with them and be present with them. And, I don't feel guilty about that because I am hitting a goal of mine to be present. Or, if I'm losing my mind and being short & snappy with my kids (aka not being a calm parent)…show time. We're gonna turn on a show so mom can decompress and fulfill her calmness goal.

When there is purpose behind it, and it aligns with your values (of being calm, being present, etc.), there is no reason to feel guilt about screen time. It's about balance and doing it when it aligns with what you're trying to accomplish.

9. Set up what your kids love to do

When it comes to play time, whether you're at stay at home mom or not, it's most successful when you do what your kids like and want. I went to my daughter's conferences and asked the teachers which toys she plays with the most. The answer was Polly Pockets.

The thought of the millions of pieces with the Polly Pockets being inside my house gave me a little bit of anxiety, but we rolled with it anyway. She loves them. She also loves Magna-tiles and the sandbox. Being aware of which things your kids are interested in (in addition to what you want to do with them) and making it readily and easily accessible so they can easily grab those toys makes it so easy.

10. Hiring help/asking for help

You don't have to be a super mom.

I don't like it when people tell me I'm a super mom because my thought process is that I don't want to be a super mom. I want to accept the help when I need it.

Personally, I would rather hire help than ask for family members to come help. It's a complex that I have that I need to get over. I've heard the more kids you have, the easier it is to get over so maybe we're on our way with our third.

Either way, help (hired or not), even for a short time period can bring a ton of relief, help you accomplish things for yourself, and make you feel refreshed. So don't be afraid to either ask for it or hire it.

Enjoy your days more

These 10 things are small changes, but they have genuinely helped me appreciate my days more and enjoy being a stay at home mom and a work from home mom. Plus, they've helped minimize the mom guilt. It has a lot to do with mindset and planning.