My FAV Parenting Books: Pregnancy to 4 years

This is for the parents that want to do what feels intuitive and needs the reassurance. That wants the push to get active and be outside, to be attentive to their kids when the worlds tells them to create independent kids. I have become a book NERD since becoming a parent so I thought I'd put together the best parenting books I've read.

And life hack – try audio books! Reading on a Kindle or physical book is great and can be a nice way to relax instead of mindlessly scrolling, but I also really love audio books because I can listen to them in the car, while doing laundry, unloading the dishwasher, on a walk, etc.

My least favorite thing is when someone says “OMG this is such a good book you should read it!”. Like, is it? What's great about it? Why do you think I will like it? That's what I did in this list. I give you a mini summary of each book and even lumped them into categories of books for different stages.

1. Before you're pregnant

I think everyone should learn about their biology, the hormones, and the intricacies of our bodies. I was recommended Taking Charge of Your Fertility from my OB when I wanted to go off birth control and learn about natural planning. It was SO informative!

I truly think every preteen should have to read this book so they can learn about their bodies and physical health and know what changes will come throughout their life. It's essentially a college textbook but it's so freaking fascinating and information that we all should know about ourselves, but the vast majority of us don't. If you want to absolutely nerd out about your cycle and how reproductive stuff works. You want to know why men's testes go up when they're cold and back down when they're hot? It's because the sperm has to stay at a certain temperature so when they go up, they're closer to the body to help keep them warm. And when they go down because they're hot, it releases the heat to keep the sperm at ideal temp. This book is full of info like that and just shows you how incredibly smart and fascinating our bodies are (even when we aren't aware of it).

2. During pregnancy

There are a handful of books I love on mindset, labor, about breastfeeding, the importance of resting after your baby arrives, infant vaccines, etc.

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth is incredible! The author used to be a hippie in a caravan helping birth babies and now she's a certified midwife and just has such cool stories and experiences. The first half of this book is examples of good natural birth stories. The second half is really the meat and potatoes. It explains how the uterus pushes the baby out and the cervix opens. She describes how if you're tense, the cervix stays tighter, but the uterus still pushes the baby out so that's where pain comes in. If you can relax yourself and the cervix, you'll experience less pain. It's just a great one to understand how your body works during labor so you can trust it, which provides some reassurance on the process.

Another great one is The Headspace Guide to a Mindful Pregnancy. There is an app called Headspace that has a ton of meditation and it was all written by the same guy who wrote this book. He frequently acknowledges in the book like “I'm a man so I'm not sure if I should even be writing this book”. But, he shares his knowledge and I found it very helpful from a mindset perspective.

Ina May also has a book on breastfeeding. I've actually haven't read this one yet. But, I'm excited to because I loved her birth book so much. And, I'm sure she would have some cool information I could learn on breastfeeding.

The First Forty Days is a great one. It talks about the first 40 days after you have a baby and what you need to do during that time. Basically, you need to do nothing. The book tells you to rest, makes recommendations on what you should be eating to nourish your new body and it gives a bunch of recipes too. I followed this book really closely after my second baby and it was amazing.

The Nurture Resolution is the opposite of what our culture tells us to do. The author basically says if your baby cries, go to them. Nurse your baby to sleep. Be there whenever your baby needs you.

The first three years are SO important and a lot of us have this instinct to go to your baby when they cry, nurse them to bed because it's working, etc., yet we also have this thought that we need to let them be independent. This book will validate your instincts and tell you how important it is to follow your instincts.

Trust me, it's a hard choice to choose to be that attentive and nurturing. It takes a lot. But, once you know how beneficial it is, it feels worth it. And, there are other books on this list that have the opposite advice. So, you can read both perspectives and see which one feels right for you.

This one is a bit controversial. The Vaccine-Friendly Plan is a delayed vaccine schedule . It's by Dr. Paul Thomas who also just came out with Vax Facts which I have not read yet. But, I plan on reading it. My sister is reading Vax Facts right now and she says it's basically more of like support for people who decide to do a delayed schedule or not vaccinate. So, if you're thinking about doing a delayed schedule or not vaccinating and looking for some things to read on that topic, these are great options.

I also have a whole video on the delayed schedule if you're looking for additional information.

3. 0-18 months

This is my list of books that set my mindset for parenting, getting outside, being active, being attentive, and other topics that are important to me. All of these books will have some conflicting information in them. When you're reading these, I want you to pick and choose what feels right to you. You should totally be like “oh I like this, I'm gonna leave that, I love this tidbit from the other book”.

Montessori From the Start gives some really good examples of montessori things you can do. It also really encourages sitting down and eating dinner with your kids. Which I love and totally agree with. But, it also was aggressive and I had to remind myself that yes it's important and I want to prioritize it, but I'm also not going to ruin my kids if I don't do it every single night, because that's just not realistic. But again, some really great ideas of how to incorporate montessori in your daily life.

Balanced and Barefoot is written by an OT and it really helps get you in the mindset of getting your kids to be active. It explains why it's important that they're active, the impact on kids if we're not active ourselves, and the recommendations are really realistic. 0-18 months is a little early for some of this stuff, but it's good to get your mindset on that early on.

There's No Such Things as Bad Weather – this one is SO good! It did so much for my mindset to encourage us to get outside. If you live in a cold place like I do, you might need to learn you need to do 3 layers instead of 2. We've found a ton of success with a Merino wool based layer. Are they expensive? Yep, but they're so high quality, they last multiple seasons and they have gotten us outside significantly more so it's worth it. I've even gotten myself one and if you size up for your kid, it should last them at least a couple seasons. Worth making the investment! If you're interested, HeyShayla will get you a discount.

The book The Paradox of Choice is not parenting related itself but it's such a good read for parents because its easily applicable to everything you're going through in parenthood.

The main I thing I got from it is that there is not one ultimate, be-all end-all, best choice that you can make in anything. There are going to be multiple good options and if one really is the best and you choose the second best or the third best, you're still going to get great results. He basically says that the person who meticulously researches each option will actually like their choice less because they'll know what potential benefits they're missing out on with the other options, and will second guess and overthink it. So, stop stressing about your decisions, stop overresearching, and put your blinders on to make the decision you think is right at the time and just go with it! Move on. And because we make a thousand decisions as parents, this is so important for us!

4. 18+ months

Once your kids start to have an opinion, parenting gets hard again. This category of books are about your mindset around your kids and how to communicate with them to feel connected instead of dictated.

Hunt, Gather, Parent is amazing! She goes all over the world to see how they parent in different places. What this taught me was people do it differently and it's fine AND a lot of other cultures do not revolve their lives around their kids but rather they integrate their kids in their activities. I think learning to coexist with your kids is crucial. When you play with your kids, if you think “oh this is great but how am I going to get the laundry done, when am I going to cook dinner, how will I empty the dishwasher before dinner time, etc., you NEED to read this book.

The Child Whisperer gives you 4 different personality types and how to best support each of them. I truthfully didn't read the entire book. I read the summary of the 4 different personality types and identified where I think each of my kids fit in and would skip to the section about those personality types. My first needs play. My second needs connection. Learning how to best support and interact with the personality types of my kids was so freaking cool. I loved it. Occasionally , I will go back and reread the section for one of my kids when I feel like I need it. And, when my third starts to develop his personality, I'm stoked to figure out which one he is and read his section in the book.

Number 1 recommendation for books

If I could only recommend one book, it would be Good Inside. It tells you that kids are good. Babies are good. When things happen or they act up, they're probably just be having a hard time. And truthfully, the examples give in the book aren't just good for kids. I use them for my husband too.

For example, let's say you were at work all day and got a bad report, or dropped your lunch all over the floor and then were in traffic on the way home. And then you get home and your partner says something that bothers you and you're like “I had a bad day. Why can't you just be nice to me?!” Their response can either be like “woah you need to tone it down, that was way too extreme of an exaggeration” or “woah what's going on? Do you want to talk about something?”. When I heard her say these things (cause I listened to the audio book), I literally almost cried because I was like wow that is so much more of an understanding response. Your kids are at school and have experiences and then come home which is their safe space and they might have a huge explosion and your instinct might be to yell at them and send them to their rooms when really, it's probably a better outcome for everyone if you say “Are you having a tough day? Do you want to talk about something that happened?”.

Overall, the book is just full of really good nuggets which are all based around the premise that your kids are good, they're not trying to do bad things. If you and your kids are not getting along and keep butting heads, it's not a discipline issue. It's a connection issue. You need to work on connecting better (as parents, it's our responsibility). And, that's not just a one time thing, it's over the course of time so you can build that relationship.

How To Talk So Little Kids Will Listen is also so amazing. It can be a little bit of an overwhelm because there are SO many examples so you will probably pick and choose which ones to implement (like I did). But seriously, it's amazing. There's so many incredible examples like what to do when your kids don't want to put their shoes on or their helmet when riding their bike. It's very play based and for kids that are a little bit older like toddlers and up, but very applicable and very helpful.

5. For moms (not parenting related)

When I read all of the books above, I was like wow okay I need something for me now. These books help to declutter your mind with EVERYTHING that needs to be done.

Okay not a book, but still reading. When I first became a mom, it was a major transition. It took me over 2 years to fully accept my role as a mom and a lot of mindset work. I created a Motherhood Mindset Guide, which can help you reframe yours as well. It's a 45 page guide. I'm also turning it into an audible thing because I love audio books and that's how I learn. But, if you buy it now, you'll get that for no added cost once it's released. It'll help you change your mindset and give you examples of things in motherhood that are hard and how we can work through them.

Essentialism basically tells you to stop trying to do all of the things and decide what your priorities are or what is “essential” to you so you can put your focus on that and do those things really well.

The One Thing essentially tells you to choose something for a quarter (or specific time period) that you're going to focus on. The one thing in parenting that is your most important item to work on.

Decluttering at the Speed of Life is great because consumerism has infiltrated all of our homes and we all have way too much stuff, which can make all of us mother so stressed out trying to manage all of the stuff, moving things from room to room, finding storage space, etc. If we can get rid of some of our possessions, our minds clear. The first step is to stop bringing things. This was something I had to learn. But, if we don't purchase things we don't need, we don't have to store or get rid of them. It gives you really easy ways to tackle clutter.

Do Less is another good one. Again, it's about not trying to do everything but choosing what's important and honing in on those. This one is a bit more work focused, but it helped me realize I don't have to spin all of my wheels all the time. I can take a break. She also talks a bit about syncing with your cycle/period and doing different things during different parts of your cycle.

Mindset is one that I'm currently listening to and is all about growth mindset versus fixed mindset. You either believe that you are born with your intelligence and that you either have certain gifts or you don't. Or, you have a growth mindset and believe that no matter what got you here, you can get wherever you want to go. I thought I had a growth mindset, but after listening to some of this, I'm like woah I have a pretty serious fixed mindset which can make you self-sabotage when trying something new and get immediately frustrated when you don't succeed right off the bat. So, I'm not used to reading a book where I'm like I need to work on a bunch of things, but that's what's happening with this book and I think it's really good for me.

Hardwiring Happiness is a really good book if you're working on your mindset. It helps you reframe your mindset towards happiness.

I'm plugging in Hardwiring Happiness again because in case you missed the 0 to 18 months section because this one is so great for validating that there is not one best option. There are multiple best options. The people that do the most research and dig deeply and fixate on small details will be less happy with their choice than those who just make a choice, stick with it, and don't look back.

6. Books studying parenting around the world

From my years of full time travel, I was so interested to know how other cultures do this parenting gig. Apparently I wasn't the only one, there were a bunch of great books on the topic! I find it so helpful to hear different perspectives and decide which things you do and don't want to pull from it.

Bringing Up Bébé is about an American living in France and seeing how the French have developed their kids. How they have a developed palette (and don't just eat chicken nuggets), the way they put kids to sleep, how well behaved French kids are in public, and she really just dives deeply into all of these things which is incredible interesting.

The Danish Way of Parenting is a nice and short one. The Danes are considered the happiest people in the world. So, the authors wanted to figure out if their method of parenting had something to do with it. The part of it that really stuck with me was “togetherness”. I loved it.

Achtung Baby is by someone that moved from Oregon to Berlin. She studied the German way of parenting and they're all about freedom and self-resilience. Again, fascinating to hear the differences in how they do things in different cultures and pick and choose little nuggets you may want to take and use.

Okay again, There's No Such Thing as Bad Weather is the Swedish one that moved to the United States in Indiana. She wanted to get her kids outside all the time like like they do in Sweden. And she actually got a lot of backlash for taking them out in really cold temperatures. In the book, she shares how she took the outdoorsy-ness she grew up with and kept it alive in the states for her family. It made me SO motivated to get my kids and family outside more which has been so positive for us.

Hunt, Gather, Parent is another one that makes the list twice. This one is more “general” because she travels with her three year old and goes to three different places where she learns all of the different ways they are parenting. Over and over, she sees the trend of the parents involving kids in their lives and activities instead of always being a source of created entertainment. It gives you so much permission to do that (and even see benefits to it) and makes parenting feel much easier and more enjoyable. I genuinely can't recommend this one enough.

How Eskimos Keep Their Babies Warm is somebody from Michigan who moved to Argentina and talks about how kids stay up super late there, which we would never do in the US. And if the kids are a little crankier in the morning they're just like “yeah, that's what happens. Hearing this made me just chill out a bit on the sleep schedules. Everything is going to be fine. If you're at dinner with friends late and they sleep in the car on the way home, all good! My kids never have that experience because we're always home by bed time, but we don't need to be.

The book talks about other things too like potty training, feeding, etc.

7. Kids books for transitions

New sibling? Potty training? Weaning? Night weaning? Reading these books to my kids helped a lot!

I breastfeed and wean my kids around 18 months. My Milk Will Go, Our Love Will Grow was a great one to read to them for the weaning process. Be prepared to cry. You're already hormonal when you're weaning and this one is just so sweet it'll definitely make you emotional.

Sally Weans from Night Nursing is obviously another weaning book. I really liked this one because it talks about how she wakes up in the middle of the night upset and she was snuggled to sleep instead and then could feed in the morning.

Nursies When the Sun Shines is a night nursing book that talks about how we don't nurse until the sun comes up.

For new babies, this one is called I Am a Big Sister! and it's just fun to read. It gives you time to sit down and be like oh a new baby is coming, here are your new responsibilities, and it's going to be fun! (There is a big brother version as well).

For potty training, I recommend Tiny Potty. We do Elimination Communication, which I haven't started too much yet (we normally start around 6 months). But whether you do EC or more traditional potty training, this one is great. It just makes them not afraid of the toilet which is really my only goal.

Happy reading!

Alright, this was a long list. Longer than I intended it to be. But, they're all really amazing books, depending on where you guys are at with things. So I hope you were able to find a book (or multiple) that you're interested in reading.