How to Actually Enjoy the Holidays as a Mom (Without Losing Your Mind)

The holidays bring out two very different types of people. There’s Mrs. Claus Energy — the moms who are thriving on decorations, gifts, matching pajamas, themed snacks, and a full social calendar. And then there’s… everyone else. The moms who feel stressed, overwhelmed, touched out, or just kind of “meh” about all the holiday pressure. Wherever you fall on the spectrum, joyful, stressed, grieving, exhausted, or somewhere in between, you’re normal. And you are not alone.

After having three kids (4, 2, and a baby), I’ve learned that how we think about the season matters more than anything we do. The holidays got so much easier the moment I stopped asking: “how am I going to get through this?” and started asking “how do I want to get through this?” Game changer.

If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed trying to navigate the holidays as a mom, here’s a mix of mindset shifts, practical tips, and real-life holiday chaos straight from our family circus, wrapped up in a clear, organized guide you can actually use.

Identify What Actually Brings You Joy (Not What You Think Should)

Every mom has her ‘Yes’ list and her ‘Absolutely Not’ list when it comes to the holidays as a mom.

Here are some of mine:

My Yes List:

Togetherness — I could happily do two Thanksgivings with zero gifts and feel completely satisfied.
Elf on the Shelf — but hear me out… I do the laziest, zero effort elf. Mine moves from the tree to the toilet to the window. My kids still lose their minds.
Crafts + messy activities — give me cookie decorating, experiments, and glitter everywhere… I strangely love this chaos.
Presents for my own kids — because I actually know what they want. I'd rather have us all buy more presents for our own kids and skip so many of the gifts for each others'.

My No List:

Decorating my house — I don't want to deal with the money, the storage, or the mental energy. My kids like it, so I’ll do minimal for them. But if it were totally left to me? No thank you.
Buying gifts for adults — instant anxiety.
Cooking a big holiday meal — I will host, yes. I will not cook We order the meal. Everyone survives.

Your lists might look totally different…which is exactly the point. Ask yourself what parts of the holidays genuinely fill me up and what parts drain the life out of me? Then you can make decisions that feel peaceful, not pressured.

Shift Your Mindset: “How Do I WANT to Get Through This?”

If you’re struggling this year (emotionally, physically, financially, or with tricky family dynamics), this is the mindset shift that changes everything.

Instead of “How am I going to survive this?”, ask “How do I want to show up? What kind of mom/friend/daughter/sister do I want to be in this situation?”

One of the best things my therapist ever told me was: “Whatever you wish someone would do for you… try doing that for them.”

For example, ifyour cousin only talks about herself and never asks about your life — acknowledge, accept, and adapt.

“Acknowledge” that this is simply how she is.
“Accept” that she’s not going to change this.
“Adapt” by deciding, I want to be the person who supports her, even if she never asks about me.

Not as a martyr. Not as a pushover. But as a woman choosing who she wants to be, instead of reacting to who everyone else is.

This is the entire heart of my Positive Motherhood Mindset framework (Acknowledge → Accept → Adapt). If you need support in that area, check out my full mindset guide.

Rethink Gifts: Less Stress, More Joy

Gifts are the #1 thing people said stress them out. And honestly, same.
Between blended families, cousins, step-sides, grandparents, and friend groups… it can get out of control fast.

Here are the things that have simplified gifts for us dramatically:

A Good White Elephant

We finally ditched gifts-for-everyone and switched to a single White Elephant for adults. But not the gag version. A good one, with a price limit ($40–$60) and gifts you’d genuinely want.

Some ideas I’ve brought:

Stasher bags
Frownies
Lululemon gift card
A trendy puffer vest

Bring something good enough that people will try to steal it…that’s the fun part.

Secret Santa

Classic, easy, reduces stress and spending.

Secondhand Kids’ Gifts

This is my underrated hill to die on.
Facebook Marketplace and thrift stores are GOLD for kids.

I recently scored: a doll car, moped, salon chair, bunk bed, closet, puppies + doll outfits

All for $65. The doll car alone is $70 new.

Your kids do not care if it came in a box. They care that it’s fun.

Choose a Theme

If your kids want 400 different things, pick one category so you don’t lose your mind. We’re doing “dolls” this year. It keeps it simple and exciting without the overwhelm.

Budget Year-Round

My sister sets aside money every month for Christmas. Genius. I use the Upside app (formerly GetUpside), which gives you a tiny bit of cash back each time you get gas. It adds up! I let the money I collect sit there all year and then use it at Christmas. It feels like a bonus!

Give Yourself Permission to Do What Works For YOU

Blended families = lots of houses, lots of Christmases, lots of schedules, lots of potential stress. We handle it using the same mindset framework:

Acknowledge:

We have a ton of holiday events.

Accept:

My husband doesn’t enjoy going to all of them. I do.

Adapt:

I go to the ones I want to go to. He skips the ones he doesn’t. And… it’s fine.

It used to make me sad, but now I view it like this:
If he’s oka with me going without him, and I genuinely enjoy going, then it’s a win-win.

You get to design what works for your family, not just follow what you think you “should” do.

Illness Season: Expect It, Don’t Fear It

One major stress moms mentioned: everyone gets sick after holiday gatherings.

Totally valid, but here’s what helped me: instead of living in dread, I just expect it. I tell myself“Okay, someone will probably get sick. We’ll deal with it when it happens.”

Some years no one gets sick. Some years we get hit hard. Either way, I’ve already accepted that it’s part of the season, and that lowers my stress immediately.

Family Drama: Choose Who You Want to Be

This is another big one. If there’s tension, conflict, or old wounds in your family, you have two main paths:

Option 1: Address it

Have the conversation.
Get things out into the open.
Try to repair or reset the relationship.

Option 2: Choose your behavior

Show up with kindness.
Be the version of yourself you’re proud of (not the version reaxting to them).

You can’t change anyone else. But you always have the power to decide how you want to show up.

The Real Magic of the Holidays

The holidays don’t have to be perfect. They don’t have to be magical every second. They don’t have to look like other families’ holidays.They just need to align with you.

Figure out what brings you joy. Release what drains you. Decide who you want to be. And instead of asking “How will I get through this?”, ask “How do I want to. get through this?”.

That shift changes everything.

Happy holidays!