At 18 months, we decided it was time for us to gently wean our toddler from breastfeeding. I really didn't ever have a goal of how long I wanted to breastfeed, I was just prepared to try breastfeeding, see how it goes, and then decide. I breastfed for 13 months before we started attempting any sort of weaning.
The weaning was a slow process that we broke up. We did it all overtime because it was just what was naturally unfolding for us. The part I thought was going to be the most challenging was the night time feeding. To my surprise, it only took her 2-3 days to wean and change her night time routine. I'll be honest, those were are a tough few night. But then, it's like wow they get it, and it's honestly kind of amazing how quickly they catch on and adapt. Honestly, my anxiety leading up to it was worse than the actual weaning. It's not as hard as you think. Here's how we did it:
Night weaning
Around 13 months old, I night weaned our toddler in an attempt to get my period back so I could get pregnant again. Then, when I got pregnant, your nipples are just so sensitive and sore during early pregnancy that it really started a breastfeeding aversion for me.
I was never opposed to tandem feeding, but after the night weaning and once I got pregnant, it just kind of naturally became time to officially start weaning her.
Day weaning
After she was night weaned, before getting her fully weaned, we were nursing during the day and we nursed to sleep, but didn't nurse at all during the night until about 5 am.
Next, it was time to cut out the day feedings. There's a really good, helpful Instagram account (@karrie_locher) that I got a lot of information from. Basically the highlights of what she teaches is don't offer, don't refuse, don't ask. If they ask you to nurse, you can do it (or not), but don't offer it. That worked really well for us because it sort of set the boundary and helped make it a more gradual change. I would always offer other options when she asked like “oh would you like water? would you like to have a snack? do you need some snuggles?” because it's not just a feeding thing, it's often a comfort thing. If you can give other alternatives for both the hunger and the comfort, it helps a ton with the weaning process.
I also bought a book that I thought was really good called My Milk Will Go, Our Love Will Grow. It helps explain that mommy's milk is going away but our love will continue to grow. This book made me emotional. But it also helped explain that yes, this is a phase that's going away, but your relationship just continues getting closer and it helps explain to them a bit what is going on.
Falling asleep OFF the boob
Okay, once we got rid of the day feedings, I was just nursing to nap, nursing to bed, and doing a 5 am nursing and then she would go back to sleep a bit after that.
This was when I was really starting to get that aversion to breastfeeding. So I needed to teach her to fall asleep on her own, without nursing.
First, we kind of started with the nap time. With Seth's schedule, he started being home every day at nap time so he took over nap time a lot of the time to give me a break, which initiated the no nursing before nap. Then, when his schedule changed again and I took over nap time again, I was committed to not resorting back to the boob and using other ways to comfort her. She didn't loveeee it at first, but I knew since she learned to do it with dad, she would learn to do it with me.
Then the doozy, bedtime. I did still want her getting the immunity and all the other benefits of breastfeeding even though I was making little to no milk that point since I was pregnant. So it was really dry nursing and I was basically just a human pacifier because she really only wanted it for comfort.
I let her nurse for 15-20 minutes and then tell her “okay, all done” and the first couple of nights, she did NOT like that, she was pretty pissed. So those first few nights it took a while to get her to sleep, and Seth and I would switch off comforting her without nursing. But then, after those few nights, this method worked to get her to fall asleep not on the boob anymore. And I will say, it felt pretty liberating.
First sleepover
Okay so after this, our toddler is mostlyyy weaned. We were done with day feedings, nap feedings, and nursing to bed, but we still did that one 5 am nursing feed. I thought we could get rid of it, but it's one of those things where if we stopped doing it, I know she would be okay, it's me that might not adjust as well.
BUT THEN, my sister offered to take her for my birthday for a sleepover. The first sleepover is a big deal. AJ loves my sister. Like totally adores her. And my sister is so chill that I knew if AJ cried for an hour and a half before going to sleep (which she did), I felt really good because I was confident that my sister is cool, calm, collected and would be so patient and handle whatever night time brought so well.
And then, when she woke up at 5 am expecting to nurse, my sister gave her a bottle and she. took. it. and then fell right back asleep!! I was in SHOCK! She had literally never taken a bottle from us.
Ditching the 5 am nurse
That first sleepover for us helped us so much in getting rid of the 5 am nurse.
I keep squeezers by the bed now and if she begs to nurse in the middle of the night or early morning, I say “oh we can in the morning” and I wait until at least 5, let her have a squeezer while I hold her and she'll usually go right back to sleep.
So now when she wakes up we either snuggle for a bit or have a squeezer, and she will sleep again until about 7 or 8. I will hopefully be able to get rid of that 5 am wakeup all together, but she's starting to get longer stretches of sleep in. And I don't know if it's just because she's getting older or if the weaning has helped with this, but either way, I'm stoked about it.
Oh, and also, she snuggles me now. Before this, she never really did, it was always me snuggling her, but now she comes and snuggles me and it makes me SO happy. I was never the mom that felt the incredible bond through breastfeeding, I just saw a lot of benefits in breastfeeding. For me, a lot more of that bond and closeness comes through the snuggles and little moments so having more of those has been amazing.
I hope this was helpful. For us, nursing was a longer, slow process. Whenever you choose to do it, however you choose to do it, and at whatever pace, remember, it won't be as challenging as you probably think and it isn't going to take away the special moments and bonding you get to have with your baby. You will get plenty of those moments with the snuggles and your baby continuing to depend on you as their source of comfort.
